I've been spending the last eight months thinking all love ever does is break and burn and end (--T-Swift). For awhile after I left you, I was depressed. I knew I couldn't return, but I didn't want to be anywhere else. It was painful even to think of you.
For awhile after I found Thailand, I felt like I was replacing you. You were the best adventure anyone could have ever dreamed of. Of course, I had to move on with life….but….another foreign adventure? It seemed like mockery. Ungrateful.
I'm acting entirely on hope. Hope of something wonderful. I have absolutely no idea what I'm getting myself into. I miss my friends and family more already then I did half way through my last study abroad. It hurts to leave this time, knowing things will never ever be the same. This is a new phase in my life. A new start. And it's entirely thrilling. And by thrilling I mean I'm sick to my stomach. But sometimes we just have to do the best we can with what life has given us.
There is nothing to do but live this day, today. Nothing to fear but……i don't know……disappointment. That it won't be as good as I want it to be. But that's the thing about relationships, you never know what will happen. That's the thing about adventure: you never really know what you are getting yourself into.
And coming from someone who loves to control and predict, that's a very big deal.
Here's to you, my new love. Here's to something insane and wonderful. Here's to risk. Here's to trying.
Even if it fails.
You will always be with me, Jerusalem. I love you more than words. But: Jerusalem Chloe, meet Thailand Chloe. She's here to take on the world.
said goodbye to this boy for 2 years and 3 months
and this girl for 1 year and 10 months
(Aust--I'll see you soon)
(p.s. this was "make a smile like you really love each other" picture)
Everything is alright. Just different.