Thursday, January 31, 2013

Dear Determination,

I'm doing what I ultimately want, even when I don't receive what I currently desire.

There is a HUGE difference. It's called choice.

Dear world history teachers,

One thing I've learned in continual class since 9th grade until now is that everything can be boiled down to specialization of labor and diffusion.

The other thing is that even though that fact seems simple enough, the world is NOT that easy to understand.

I miss Mr. Krinkle.

Monday, January 28, 2013

Dear my past,

Ok I really have like three books to be reading for Thailand...but this is too great of an opportunity to pass up.

Almost a year ago, I went to this concert. The best concert of my entire life, I bet. Small venue. Beautiful lyrics. Euphoric feeling. Great performers. Musical...perfection.

It was awesome because I went with one of my closest friends at the time.....(ok-so-he-was-my-boyfriend-but-whatever). But the thing that made this concert so great was that I saw the lead singer realize slowly throughout the concert how truly famous he was becoming. It was like he didn't know how awesome he was and we all we obsessed with ever word that came out of his mouth.

Fun. Literally.

They came out with a new song yesterday. I don't like.

But it doesn't mean that I will stop listening to it. Because sometimes in life, we hold on to things we know. Because we love them and always have. And we aren't going to change that anytime soon.

And there's maybe something strange about that. In my opinion, it's actually kind of unhealthy. It probably means we, as humans, don't like change.

But even after psychoanalytic work, it doesn't alter the fact that we want it anyways.

Saturday, January 26, 2013

Dear Life Has No Re-dos,

Today's one of those days where you're like, "That did not just happen to me. I can't be that much of an idiot."

But I guess all people make mistakes.

I'm glad there's a thing called repentance.......even if there isn't a way to get the time back.

Here's to trying again tomorrow........

Friday, January 25, 2013

Dear Photo Friday,

She moves her hand into the space between us and looks me in the eyes. "Hi. I'm Kalyanee." Woa. I was just hoping to eavesdrop, this is way better.

She's brilliant. Courageous and humble. I think this instead of focusing on all the questions swimming through my head. I shake her hand, but I'm too flustered and flattered to do much else. The film was enough, now this? I ramble some words of gratitude and I'm on my way.

I exit the building and hover on the top step as I take in the sidewalk. The materialism I usually immerse myself in seems distant. The world I see is through a different filter.

I always taken for granted my ability to work with my hands. I think I get that partly from my dad. I always take him for granted too. I've grown accustomed to a father that is always sober and honest with his wages. I always take for granted the kind of love I've received from my family.

And to be honest, after this "on top of the world" feeling fades, I probably will continue to. But maybe after watching the film A River Changes Course, I will be a person that is just a fraction better then the one she was two hours ago. More loving. And connected and willing to share. Maybe I'll remember that life isn't about issues: it's about humanity. And I'll take the relational knowing and globalization lessons I've learned and be a little more grateful that my life isn't completely consumed by the economic situation of my family. That I am allowed hopes and dreams. And that getting food on the table isn't a question.

Dear Trudging,

Sometimes, I wear dainty shoes. And I have to do little girly hops over puddles, while the guy in front of me trudges through them with his massive boots and for a brief moment, I feel like people are watching me and think I'm silly for being so impractical in the middle of winter.

And then I stop thinking that. Because I like me. And because I don't think anyone else cares. I'm going to continue being me. If there ever comes a time when I decide to trudge through life like a rational person, I'll let you know.

Thursday, January 24, 2013

Dear Nathaniel,

I know that's not your real name. But we've been friends for a long time and I therefore feel some right to take the liberty to call you so.

It's been almost 7 years.

And even after those 7 years, I still have stupid nights like tonight where I let you down. Tell you I can be somewhere and then end up rethinking the situation and bailing.

And after 7 years, you are still as classy as ever and instantly tell me not to worry about it.

Sometimes, when you are a stresser, like I am, it is very reassuring to have you in my life.

I'm glad you still speak my language. And calm me down.

This is not making any sense. I can't explain it. I guess......I just......

Thank you.

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Dear Tangibility,

So, it's the third week of school and some of my books haven't come, right?

The problem with college town libraries, is that 50 of your closest friends in class are already on the hold list. And we all need to read the same time.

So I find the 2006 version and read that. Now I guess I know as much as the people in 2006 did....but infinitely more than I did an hour ago.

Sometimes, I just splurge and buy all my books up-front. I could save a bunch by doing the whole Kindle thing, but i try to avoid that as much as humanly (and economically) possible. Because there is something amazing about having knowledge right at your fingertips.

I. Love. Books.

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Dear me,

Today, I am trying harder to figure out who I am.

I know. You're probably thinking, "After 21 years of life, she doesn't have an idea?"

But the answer is no. It has only hit me in the last month that I'm an individual.

Saturday, January 19, 2013

Dear scene (and unseen),

I run outside. All the time. Even in two degree temperatures.

That is not to say it happens everyDAY, but that everytime it DOES happen, it's outside. (Mostly-because-I-was-not-a-full-time-student-last-semester-so-I-wasn't-allowed-to-use-the-facilities-until-now. But STILL!)

Today I went to the gym.

There is something about swishing ponytails, bare legs, and the need to have your muscles show through your t-shirt that is so...........i don't know.........ridiculously American.

I thought about me doing this in Thailand. It seems silly. I wonder what they would think. I dunno. I've never been. Maybe I'm wrong.

But I'm happy to be going away for a bit. Perspectives are fun. So is mystery. I've missed having something thrilling to look forward to........even if I have no idea what I'm getting myself into. Sometimes, that makes it even more exciting. The wonder.

Thursday, January 17, 2013


Guys! I'm going to Thailand!!!! To work with an NGO orphanage. I didn't think it was going to work out........and now I could not be more thrilled. Details to follow. For now, I have a billion and one assignments to do for my prep class. LOVE!

photo credit to peace corps

Friday, January 11, 2013

Dear Thailand,

Today I was tired of no.
Today I was tired of worrying.
Today I was tired of people not supporting my dream.
Today I was tired.

So I went to bed.

Thursday, January 10, 2013

Dear words,

I like words. They're my favorite. They are the way I love and communicate and feel.

They are the main reason I listen to music. Because I connect. I understand. Lyrics make my favorite artists T-Swift and JJ and Fun.

They are the way I hurt. Who ever said "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" did not have my same love language.

But touching him.......touching him is like wishing I never found out that love could be that strong. Touching him makes my heart want to be where it shouldn't. Touching him leaves me...


But thinking. Always thinking. Which is so like me.

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Dear peace and happiness,

I was struggling for, like, two weeks to decide which class I should take: my favorite teacher's or my future career's. Same time. Confliction.

I went to career on Monday. I walked out of favorite teacher's class this evening and two words flashed across my peaceful mind: holy ground.

He makes me remember who I am. This is what I want.

Love, Jerusalem Chloé

Sunday, January 6, 2013

Dear New Year,

With you comes resolutions.

I already broke two of them.

I love that it's never too late to recommit.

Thank you, for bringing me hope.
-Chloè Sumsion

Saturday, January 5, 2013

Dear World,

ME, Chloé Michelle Sumsion. With all of my flaws. Every action and reaction contained inside and out of me.
I am.
It is, in all reality, happening.
I am going.
Leaving my family and dear friends. My schooling and my orphans.
I am going on a mission.
Somewhere far. Somewhere new.
I will wake up everyday in the same place: there and available and active. To teach something wonderful. Something I have been taught for the last 20 years of my life: that Jesus, in reality, lives and loves me. That He communicates with me. And that He has restored complete truth to the earth at this time. And I encourage all to know these truths for themselves, as I have learned for myself. I could not be more sure.

Mission papers are started! Hello, world.