Sunday, December 30, 2012

Dear song of the moment,

"He loves to argue.
His sisters are beautiful.
He has his father's eyes."

And if you asked me if I still had feelings for him,

I'd lie.

Saturday, December 29, 2012


Today i wrote a text to my friend that said:

"Agreed. Tyler is so great. He's been my Best Friend for 8 years. And I don't regret the amount of my life I've dedicated to him."

I sat back and thought about the simple truth of that statement.

Dedicated. 8 years.

Wow. I so love him. He is back to "Best Friend :)" in my phone (as opposed to Boy Friend as he was for a month). Like he was for the 7.8 years before that. Capitalization is important.

Friday, December 28, 2012

Dear continuation of the holidays,

Erika and I usually have brief goodbyes. Probably because it's too painful.

I wondered if other people saw us hug at the airport and thought we may have been sisters.

It would make sense. A lot of the time, i tell people that she's basically the same person as I am, but like 32.96 times smarter.

So she ends up, a lot of the time, putting up with my stupidity. But at least I got to see her.

I love her dearly. And I love when the holidays bring dear ones together.

Thursday, December 27, 2012

Dear Anyone Who Cares To Listen,

I think there is something you should know about me:

I love everything about the Christmas season. 

There is a kind of magic there. A kind of brilliance you don't find at any other time. There is something truly and simply romantic about:
sitting by the fire and looking into their eyes
drinking hot cocoa from mugs and laughing 
walking, in complete giddiness, through a winter wonderland
watching Christmas movies, while cuddling

This season, I had a boy. And it made it fantastic. Over the course of the month of December, we have:
made smores in the fireplace
had the best chilled eggnog ever
gone on a snowmobile ride
watched a Christmas movie, falling asleep

But it's hitting me now: we're kinda doing all these things that I love........just.........not. Not the way I planned.

I have found myself constantly wishing that it could be Tyler. To be there, together, with me, doing the things I love. But it's just not. He's just not. I'm just......not.

Just not right. And as much as I'd like to imagine, we just don't want to be what the other wants us to be.

I hope someday, I am in love at Christmas time. It's the most wonderful time of the year. For now, I'm facing the start of a new era. Single. And hoping that the road ahead is beautiful.  

It's nice to know, however, that he and I love each other. That hasn't changed for the last 8 years. Nor do I think it ever will, regardless of what level of friendship we are at.

Here's to a learning how to be a butterfly...all on your own. Whether someone sees it...or not.
 -Chloé Michelle

Friday, December 21, 2012

Dear Lamest Apocalypse Ever,

Today I got up and went on a run and talked with my mom.

12/21/12. A pretty normal day.

And now it's bed time and I've been thinking:

If I could go to bed every night with the attitude of "HOLY RAINBOWS, I'M SO GLAD THE WORLD DIDN'T END TODAY!!!" then I would have a great life.

I like knowing tomorrow is a new (and real) day. And i am trying my best to love the one at hand. Try again, apocalypse. Thanks for NOT visiting me today. We would not have been friends. -Chloé

Monday, December 17, 2012

Dear Caterpillar Principle,

If you've never heard of the Caterpillar Principle, don't freak out. Because it was just discovered last night. Dare to imagine with me:

     Pretend you are an animal. A small one, preferably a squirrel or a chipmunk...but I'm not very creative, so think of something exciting.
     You see two bugs. One is an ant. One is a caterpillar. Both the same distance away from you.
     (I know, it's starting to sound like math problem already. Bear with me.)
     Same amount of energy to get to both. So you choose the caterpillar. Because it provides more reward for your effort....obviously. (I know squirrels eat nuts. Focus here.)

     There are times in my life when I've chosen the ant. And it's good, but afterwards I realized that I kinda sold myself short. 
     There are times in my life when I've chosen the caterpillar. And it's still good. Opportunity cost: worth it. Blah blah blah.
     There are times, however, when I've reached the caterpillar and realized it was actually a butterfly. Better than anything I saw coming. And instead of being like "SWEET! I used practically no effort and got something AMAZING".......I find myself being willing to give even more. Suddenly I don't want to only travel the distance to the caterpillar, I want to be able to fly in order to not keep them on the ground.
     Sometimes it gets me in trouble. Sometimes I'm willing to give more than the other person. My roommates tell me it's just my personality. 
     And other times, I get in trouble because people give me WAY more than I can ever return. Like Hannah, for example. She is the wind beneath my wings, and no matter what I do, I will never be able to repay her.

     I've heard my whole life that any relationship you are in is supposed to be equal. So that you can learn to fly together. 

I wonder if that's true. 

     And I wonder if it's possible. To have both people see each other as butterflies, to treat each other as butterflies, even if sometimes they act like caterpillars. 
     And then I remember my parents. The most awesome example I have of a wonderful relationship. And it gets me thinking: maybe relationships are a choice. And maybe relationships, as my mom has taught me, are always about giving. Maybe it's all just about what you want. Or what you see. Or what you are willing to give.
     And I think sometimes you've got to take the great thing you have in your hands and learn to fly. And other times, you have to learn to be a butterfly on your own. -Chloé

Sunday, December 16, 2012


I'm sorry. I've been really bad at this whole blogging thing. I absolutely LOVE blogging. But something i enjoy even more than blogging is people that are close to me. 

You see, two months ago today, something showed up on my door step unexpectedly:

Received Package: Boyfriend. 

Name: Tyler Vale Alden. 

Formally known as: Best Friend. 

Must accept all parts. 

Some assembly required. 

Maybe everyone and their mom will call us and say "I told you so. I always knew you and Tyler would end up together." But the truth is, I didn't. I didn't see this coming at all. But opportunity showed up on my door step after 2 years and I realized: this is it. And I just decided I wanted to take it..that I wanted to give him my heart. I know what I want, even when I don't know exactly what lies ahead. Im jumping into the unknown, 100% feet off the ground. 

But that's the beautiful thing about life: sometimes you never anticipate good things coming. They just do. Seven and a half years later:

I'm dating my best friend.

I wish everyone else the same peace and joy.  -Chloe'

really little us
(the first time we hung out)
little us