Sunday, February 24, 2013

Dear psychoanalysis,

Some things have gotten in the way of my blogging recently. And the sad part is that most all of them are just me.

Everything she says is a puzzle. But she teaches me the right way to love.

I love the person I became/what I gained in Jerusalem.

I also love Dr. Pepper. And chocolate.

Thursday, February 21, 2013

Dear this,

Tonight I don't feel like writing. And I don't care about the past.

I'm just happy. And I just want to soak that in.

Friday, February 15, 2013

Dear [me],

It's easy to be your 'true' self around someone who thinks everything you do is awesome. It takes courage, however, do be who you are around people who don't think as such.

Just a thought.

I think society has made me believe that integrity is easy.

Think again, Chloé, think again.

Here's to you, Carl Rogers.

Thursday, February 14, 2013

Dear neutrality,

It's 10:23 pm. I'm doing homework. Not because I have to be. Not because I'm having a self-pity party because I'm single. But because today is a Thursday, and I'm a student. I'm where I want to be.........right? If I wanted to be somewhere else badly enough, I would be. Believe me, I've thought this through.

My life isn't perfect. But it builds character that way..........Man, I wish i would choose to be happier about that. But anyways, I bought myself real chocolate. So I'm not complaining.

I'm breathing. Like a normal human.

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Dear who ever you are,

The beautiful thing about friends is that they think the things you say are cool because they love you.

Supposedly a friend of a friend of a friend reads my blog.

I am grateful for my friends. It's unbelievable that they care about me as much as they do...............but there is something really cool about someone liking your thoughts that doesn't have that bias.

So thank you for boosting my confidence, random stranger I've never met.

Friday, February 8, 2013

Dear me (part II),

The Happiness Project
Mission Prep
Section 26

     My closest friend and I took a road trip last semester. We got into a really deep discussion about not being the people we wanted to be. She explained her theory about passions: "I would always be dissatisfying if my effort was always less then my ability and if I never set any goals." We made the analogy that what we wanted was like crossing a river: you can see the opposite shore and you know you can get there, but you have to take the milestones directly in front of you. 
     I want to see where I am going and where I have been. My proposal is to keep a journal of daily milestones, "lessons of the day," before bed each night. I will also make "goals for the week." I think written goals will make me much more satisfied with the priorities I am making in my life.
     This, as I hear, is a useful skill to have as a missionary. Not only is planning schedules and back-up schedules important, but having goals in mind is a helpful way to focus my attention. It will guide me in my scripture study and thoughts. It gives purpose to the repeating tasks in my life. This way, I can spend more time DOING and less time PLANNING. The Student Manual quotes Elder Oaks saying, "None of us should be like the fisherman who thinks he has been fishing all day when he has spent most of his time getting to and from the water." Mostly, it's a way to put my priorities first: and I hope the most important will be that of building the kingdom of God. If not, it will be a good assessment of how I AM spending my time, efforts, and desires. 


Dear me,

You have more productive things to do then take a free flight and concert ticket to Las Get to it.

Ugh. Sometimes doing what I want is way too painful....but I'm being the women I want to be. I have a belief that it takes a really courageous person to do things that are good, but hard.

Like school. And going on a mission. And getting married. And having kids. It's Hard, but rewarding. That what I always hear. And I think it's what I want.

I'm trying.

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Dear Hannah,

I can imagine it. A night much like this one. The sky around us is black, but the paper is illuminated by the stars. Finally alone after a day of hustle and bustle and people we love. I keep wanting to look at the paper, but I'm crying and hugging you instead. You're happy. Like always.

Of course you'd get to go first. I'm not surprised. Lead the way for little old me. You've always been wiser. And I try to convey, again, how much I truly need you.

Everyone is gone. Tyler. Austin. Mommy and padre. My sister. Perhaps I just held my brothers close that evening as you slipped to the other side of the veil. I knew you wouldn't remember me, nor I you...but we'd find each other again. This was a temporary lapse in an eternal friendship.

And there you were again tonight. Parallel to a night long ago. Leading me into the future, mission call in hand.

But Austin was there this time. We hugged. And I felt. I felt deep in my soul. He knew. He knew.

And in that moment, both of us felt something powerful towards you. Deep love. That passes all boundaries and time.

I am so very proud of you. I am proud of the women you've become. I will miss you. OH how I will miss you. But I'm not sad. I tried to be, but I was numb instead. I just felt blessed. Overwhelmingly blessed that you found me. And I know how great you will be there.

But we won't forget this time.


I don't have many other words that are non-cliché. But I absolute love you.

And my life. And everything about this day. -Chloé