Everything will be ok.
And I hope you realize I don't mean that in a sappy way. I'm not sure how I can express to you the sincerity of that thought in my mind right now. I take risks. I make mistakes. But you know what? That's ok. Because every single person on this planet does. And that's not to say that everything will WORKOUT ok. But everything will BE ok. Here's what I mean:
---The decision to go to school could be a bad idea. It could train me to be uncreative and to be unmotivated in my work. (See my Professor's article. He's way better at explaining it then I am. My mind was blown and my world was changed. Seriously, read it.)
---The relationship I've been working on with my Best Friend for the last 6 years could be a bad idea. It could be one of those things that I should have dropped along time ago.
---Leaving my boyfriend to live in Israel for the next 3/4/5 months could be a very bad idea. It could hurt. A lot. He is very likely to find someone else while I'm away.
But you know what? That's ok.
---Because school brings me so much joy. During finals week, I often forget this fact and ask myself why the heck I signed myself up for/payed for this torture. But most of the time, I love the stretch. I love the learning. I literally crave the knowledge. And if in 10 years I look back and say "Man, I wasted so much time. I didn't even need a degree to get to where I am today," that's ok. I promise. I'll live. I'll learn. I'll be upset. And then I'll figure out a way to move on. Everyone does.
---Because it's worth the fight. Because I want so badly to have Tyler and I's relationship continue, that the risk of him not being there for me forever is worth it. For every time I called and cried to him after a long day. For every single time I laughed with him. It's worth the try. It's worth the risk. It's worth the pain that might come if it fails.
---Because my boyfriend may wake up tomorrow and move on. He could forget. He could find something deeper than he has with me. But that's ok. That doesn't make me any less likely to wake up today caring about him like crazy. It would still be worth it. Just for each moment I get to spend in his arms.
Things may fail. Things may hurt. Things may die. But would I trade the possible loss of love for the alternative of never having loved at all? No. No I would not.
Hope you are surviving finals. Sincerely, Chloé