Dear psychoanalysis,

Some things have gotten in the way of my blogging recently. And the sad part is that most all of them are just me.

Everything she says is a puzzle. But she teaches me the right way to love.

I love the person I became/what I gained in Jerusalem.

I also love Dr. Pepper. And chocolate.

Dear this,

Tonight I don't feel like writing. And I don't care about the past.

I'm just happy. And I just want to soak that in.

Dear [me],

It's easy to be your 'true' self around someone who thinks everything you do is awesome. It takes courage, however, do be who you are around people who don't think as such.

Just a thought.

I think society has made me believe that integrity is easy.

Think again, Chloé, think again.

Here's to you, Carl Rogers.

Dear neutrality,

It's 10:23 pm. I'm doing homework. Not because I have to be. Not because I'm having a self-pity party because I'm single. But because today is a Thursday, and I'm a student. I'm where I want to be.........right? If I wanted to be somewhere else badly enough, I would be. Believe me, I've thought this through.

My life isn't perfect. But it builds character that way..........Man, I wish i would choose to be happier about that. But anyways, I bought myself real chocolate. So I'm not complaining.

I'm breathing. Like a normal human.

Dear who ever you are,

The beautiful thing about friends is that they think the things you say are cool because they love you.

Supposedly a friend of a friend of a friend reads my blog.

I am grateful for my friends. It's unbelievable that they care about me as much as they do...............but there is something really cool about someone liking your thoughts that doesn't have that bias.

So thank you for boosting my confidence, random stranger I've never met.

Dear me (part II),

The Happiness Project

Mission Prep

Section 26

     My closest friend and I took a road trip last semester. We got into a really deep discussion about not being the people we wanted to be. She explained her theory about passions: "I would always be dissatisfying if my effort was always less then my ability and if I never set any goals." We made the analogy that what we wanted was like crossing a river: you can see the opposite shore and you know you can get there, but you have to take the milestones directly in front of you. 

     I want to see where I am going and where I have been. My proposal is to keep a journal of daily milestones, "lessons of the day," before bed each night. I will also make "goals for the week." I think written goals will make me much more satisfied with the priorities I am making in my life.

     This, as I hear, is a useful skill to have as a missionary. Not only is planning schedules and back-up schedules important, but having goals in mind is a helpful way to focus my attention. It will guide me in my scripture study and thoughts. It gives purpose to the repeating tasks in my life. This way, I can spend more time DOING and less time PLANNING. The Student Manual quotes Elder Oaks saying, "None of us should be like the fisherman who thinks he has been fishing all day when he has spent most of his time getting to and from the water." Mostly, it's a way to put my priorities first: and I hope the most important will be that of building the kingdom of God. If not, it will be a good assessment of how I AM spending my time, efforts, and desires. 

Ready……GO!

Dear me,

You have more productive things to do then take a free flight and concert ticket to Las Vegas..........like.............homework. Get to it.

Ugh. Sometimes doing what I want is way too painful....but I'm being the women I want to be. I have a belief that it takes a really courageous person to do things that are good, but hard.

Like school. And going on a mission. And getting married. And having kids. It's just...........life. Hard, but rewarding. That what I always hear. And I think it's what I want.

I'm trying.