Dear happiness (day 37),

I woke up this morning and swallowed a huge wad of saliva. Looks like I'm NOT going to the orphanage today. How could I give my little kiddies this cold? And then I stressed about it for the next three and a half hours: if I'm stuck in this city and I can't be with my kids, what on EARTH am I supposed to do? 

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I met a man today who traveled to Taiwan in his post-army youth, learned Chinese and Thai, and never really went back to the States. He had a really cool and inspiring story that made me want to move across the Atlantic and live my dreams while I was young. He was about the same age as my dad….and kind of hitting on Jacquelyn and I. 

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I then met a few kids on the taxi (again)….(in Thai it's called a song-tao)…They were on day 53 of what they called a "booze cruise" through Thailand. It was like 4:00 and they already seemed a little hazy. I think I laughed a little bit in my response sentence.

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I think there is a difference between pleasure and fulfillment. 

Being at the orphanage makes my life feel so purposeful. I thought of their faces when they realized I wasn't coming today and it made me feel awful.

Traveling the world is amazing, but if you don't have anyone to do it with: where will the laughs come from?

I've had so many great times already and it's only week five! I've learned to seek adventure through other means than the night life here.

There is something real and amazing here that I am participating in. Sometimes I get antsy that life isn't exciting all the time. But today I was happy just being………..here.

And of course…….I'm not psychoanalyzing my means of happiness whatsoever when I'm petting a baby tiger. Best spontaneous decision we could have made for the day, Jacquelyn!

-Chloé