Dear Soul (Day 7),

I was stooped down a bit. I didn't realize it til long after. I think subconsciously i wanted to be at the same level as him. We are very much different, he and I. And yet very much the same. 

I felt uncomfortable at first. There was NO way I was allowed to be here. Alone. In a Buddhist temple. With a monk. 

It also took me awhile to realize that this was one of my life goals. To learn with monks. I never really knew how I could do it, seeing that I'm a girl. And a Mormon. But today, I did it. 

It was God-sent. Yes, I think Buddhists can be sent by God. :) Honestly, this morning had me a little depressed. What was I doing? Three months? In a completely foreign world? The sparkly-magic of tourism had already been punctured. My friend Nathan told me to find a temple. I was overwhelmed. 

So I took one street. One road. One building at a time. This was my second temple of the day. It was white. Unlike the other ones. I stopped in, and was about to head out. But this one captivated my attention more than usual. 

A monk was watering. He asked where I was from, in beautiful English. I was shy at first. Am I allowed to talk to monks? Turns out I was. 

I asked him to tell me where he slept. He showed me instead. 

He grabbed the keys to the locked temple. His room. The best bedroom a Buddhist could ask for, I think, inside a temple. He explained a bit, then showed me the spot of ground he slept on, encompassed by mosquito net. 4 hours a night, he said. He has enough energy. More time for meditation. 

He talked to me about stuff. How we don't need stuff. I agreed. I thought the conversation pleasant, to both agree on the need to live like a minimalist. I thought I'd be on my way. 

I was wrong. The conversation lasted until we were friends. 

He talked a lot. I wonder if its a Thai thing. In that case I think I want to live here forever. He told me about Buddhist holidays. And his tattoos. And about taking care of the people. And about taking care of your things, especially your body. That's why his clothes and his body looked good, he said, though they were 5 years and 41 years old, respectively. 

There was more. He told me about architecture.  I saw where the other 12 slept. Where they studied. Where they meditated. He told me I could see.

He told me to choose good. And choose happiness, instead of their opposites.  That your mind can only think one at a time. Everyone dies, he said. So choose happy to fill your mind. 

I asked where he learned English. He said one hour of language study a day. From songs. He pulled out his iPhone. Showed me how he learned about the past tense. "Wonderful Tonight." I laughed at the irony of it all, Nathan's company filling my heart. Jazz music filling the grounds of the Buddhist temple. Bliss.

As I rode away I almost cried. I told him I would see him again. I don't even know his name. 

Dear nerd power,

Ok so today was a great day in Thailand.

Blah blah blah.

I DON'T CARE WHAT COUNTRY YOU ARE IN, STAR TREK WAS THE FREAKING GREATEST FREAKING MOVIE EVER INVENTED.

ok not literally but go see it. It was beyond good.

Also: Thai popcorn is super fancy.

Just so you know.

Dear #thailandproblems (Day 4),

Problem #1: I'm not sure whether to put my paper inside a plastic bag or leave it out. There seems to be wetness everywhere. My poor journal. 4 days in and it's already got some serious character.

Problem #2: To explore or not to explore. I mean, this is my own home....but the last thing on earth I want to do is offend them. The first thing on earth being sleep. Sooooooooo tired. I take a crack at the pictures on the wall, the book shelf, and the Buddha statues. Awesome.

Breakfast is fried rice, miso soup, and sweetened milk. (Take THAT, roommates! No more making fun of me eating savory items for breakfast! Thais understand me.) I sat in the courtyard with silence except the birds. No one was up yet except for mom. She's a cook. Naturally, the food tastes like heaven. The cat bothered me for some food. I think I'm really going to like it here.

Problem #3: I think of the kids starting summer semester in Jerusalem. A small part of me wishes I could be there once more: but so much more of me wants to be here. The start of adventures are my favorite.

Problem #4: I WANT TO SEE EVERYTHING. Ong (my brother) took me on a tour of the city today. I kept wanting to just get out and walk so I could take everything in better. We went to the market and the supermarket (aka local venders vs. grocery store) and both were cultural experiences. I can't say which is better. Same goes for the mall. It was just like the US only the food is better and the people are cooler. I swear, I'm intrigued by everything here. Everything.

Problem #5: I don't know which one I want to be at more: BYU or Chiang Mai University. The campus is a few cement building in the middle of greenery that could be the jungle. Gorgeous. And yet the buildings are so totally Thai. Oh and it's like 4 times the size.

Problem #6: I ordered roti (pronounced row-tie) for lunch. Turns out its dessert. :) oh well.

dough with sweetened-condescened milk and sugar
please note the position of spoon and fork. how Thais eat. always.

Problem #7: I looked up roti on the Internet to learn more about it. I forgot it was an O instead of an A. Rati is the Hindu goddess of carnal desire. Haha. Bad news.

Problem #8: to explore or not to explore. I've been out all morning and I feel like I need a few hours to soak everything in. But there is much to see. I keep having flash backs to the first day I met Hannah and Alicia (my closest friends from Jerusalem) and it makes me want to get out the door. But sitting, reading, and writing on my bed is also wonderful.

Problem #9 that turned out to be more of a blessing then a problem....but that's basically the theme of my entire experience here so far....ANYWAY: the third orphanage fell through. I was upset, and turned to my brother (who was translating) for some kind of answer. He said they thought I was too qualified. That I needed to do more than play with young babies and teach them how to say animal names in Thai. They sent me to their other school: where I could actually help the kindergarten kids with developmental skills. 600 kids, but i could choose what i wanted to. I was beyond thrilled. I walked around, wanting to cry from happiness. I go in on Tuesday for an interview. I swear, if God didn't want me to be here, this would not all be falling into place so perfectly. I can hardly ask for anything. My life is so wonderful here.

And it's only day 4.

In other words, there AREN'T any problems here yet. Everything is calm and slow and absolutely perfect for me. I'm scared I'll never want to leave.

-clo

the view from my window. mosquito screen and all.

Dear.....I dunno....cultural experiences? (Day 3)

My first instinct was to roll down the window. Let down my hair and allow the wind to rush, just like my heart is. Four months preparation. A long day (two days without a night) of airports. Now, I was here. Driving through Bangkok. Bangkok! Did I ever imagine I'd be here? And yet here I was. Somewhere REALLY foreign. Not like Europe. Or even Israel. I had a few flash backs of where i was a year ago this time. But those memories didn't feel foreign. That feels like home now. But this was it. This was Thailand. I rethought my thought. I expect the breeze to be warm now.

The drive today was just what I wanted. 10 hours of nothing but an introduction to my new home. I tried to decide if I would leave here in 3 months with the same emotional connection I had to Jerusalem. That was a place I had emotional ties to before I even knew I had them. Stories from my childhood. Friends I didn't know I needed. But this was....I dunno. Nothing I've ever heard about. Who goes to Thailand? So I sat there, trying to take everything in, happy that it's impossible to get overwhelmed because there are so many wonderful to see each moment that you can hardly focus on the previous one.

I love that the processed banana bread I bought for my first breakfast at Seven Eleven tasted the same as home, but that it cost about 30¢. And that the inflection of the radio actors' voices are recognizable as advertisements, even though the only things I understand are "thank you", "ka", and telephone numbers. I'm sure the girl next to me is laughing at my attempt to study the alphabet. 3 months to learn this complicated tonal language? As if.

Car
Flight
Flight
Flight
Shuttle
Hotel
Taxi
Bus
CHIANGMAI!

Total time: 45.5 hours
Total cost: a few thousand Thai Baht and generous parents
Total result: No complications. 3 happy girls. A whole lotta culture and calmness.
Happiness: priceless

God is very merciful.

Love, Thailand Chloé.....or should I say โคลอี

waiting for the bus...from the eyes of three jet lagged girls

me, genevieve, kristen

Dear Embarking (Day 1.5),

Dear Jerusalem,

     I've been spending the last eight months thinking all love ever does is break and burn and end (--T-Swift). For awhile after I left you, I was depressed. I knew I couldn't return, but I didn't want to be anywhere else. It was painful even to think of you.

     For awhile after I found Thailand, I felt like I was replacing you. You were the best adventure anyone could have ever dreamed of. Of course, I had to move on with life….but….another foreign adventure? It seemed like mockery. Ungrateful. 

     I'm acting entirely on hope. Hope of something wonderful. I have absolutely no idea what I'm getting myself into. I miss my friends and family more already then I did half way through my last study abroad. It hurts to leave this time, knowing things will never ever be the same. This is a new phase in my life. A new start. And it's entirely thrilling. And by thrilling I mean I'm sick to my stomach. But sometimes we just have to do the best we can with what life has given us.

     There is nothing to do but live this day, today. Nothing to fear but……i don't know……disappointment. That it won't be as good as I want it to be. But that's the thing about relationships, you never know what will happen. That's the thing about adventure: you never really know what you are getting yourself into.

     And coming from someone who loves to control and predict, that's a very big deal.

     Here's to you, my new love. Here's to something insane and wonderful. Here's to risk. Here's to trying.

     Even if it fails.

     You will always be with me, Jerusalem. I love you more than words. But: Jerusalem Chloe, meet Thailand Chloe. She's here to take on the world.

said goodbye to this boy for 2 years and 3 months

and this girl for 1 year and 10 months 

(Aust--I'll see you soon)

(p.s. this was "make a smile like you really love each other" picture)

Everything is alright. Just different.
-me

Dear calm,

So...my family got new grass like a few weeks ago or something. It's still trying desperately to grow in. Poor thing. It's struggling: major dry spots all over the lawn.

My dad was going to mow it today so it could "get started" on it's growing process and he asked if I would.

I had nothing pressing to do, and was SO happy to help him out. He's so good to me and it was the least I could do.

The grass didn't particularly need mowing. I think I cut like a half a centimeter off. But it wasn't important.

I was happy, doing what my dad wanted.

My puppy stared at me with those curious eyes and seemed to ask, "You know that you're just going around in circles with that contraption, right?" I could tell he thought I was a silly human. I tried to explain to him what I was doing, but to no avail. He didn't understand.

************

I am a girl who believes in a God that wants me to progress. Sometimes things happen. Not everyone will understand. And you may begin to wonder if you are going in circles. But I believe in a God who knows me. And who looks at my lawn with pride.

************

Some complications came up with Thailand. I'm pretty sure I'm still going. I don't really want to talk about it. I've been having to do a bunch of re-arranging and am kinda off the radar for a few days (sorry if you have been at the receiving end of that this week). But the point I'm trying to make is that everything's ok. I'm pushing forward, the best I can. And I am being taken care of. I feel calm about everything. Which is kinda new. Ask my friend Joshua, he can tell you how much I stress. :)

-Thailand Chloe

Dear Grandpa,

Thank you. For being awesome.
My life goal is literally to be where you are.

A member of the church at 79 years old.
Happily married after 60.
Owner of the best library known to man.
A farmer.
Absolutely and fantastically brilliant...which includes world travel and lots of experience.

Thank you for inspiring me. Moving pipe on your cattle ranch today was like breathing life into the nature-needing part of my soul again. I want to feel like that forever.

I love you.
-your third oldest granddaughter